Among Muslims it is the family of the Groom who search for a suitable Bride. A marriage is a contract between two parties, a man and a woman, made in the presence of witnesses as well as the woman’s guardian. It also involves the payment of a dower, the amount of which is agreed between the two parties. This becomes payable by the husband at the time when the contract is made, sometimes the payment may be deferred by mutual consent.
In many Muslim marriages, the wife may not actually be present when the contract is made. Her father or guardian comes to her with two witnesses and asks her whether she gives him the verbal power of attorney (in front of the two witnesses) to act for her in marrying her to the man concerned and whether she agrees to the amount of dower to be paid to her. When she has given him the power of attorney, he can then complete the marriage contract. An offer of marriage is made by the woman’s father or guardian. An acceptance is made by the man in the presence of two Muslim witnesses. The dower must then be specified as being given by the bridegroom to his bride.
In addition to this there are many ceremonies which comprise the marriage process. Some of which are described below.
The Mangni is the engagement ceremony and is an exchange of rings. The Bride’s outfit is provided by the Groom’s family.
The Mendhi ceremony takes place at the Bride’s house or at a venue a few days before the wedding. The turmeric pastes and henna are provided by the Groom’s family. Henna is applied to the Bride’s hands and feet. A symbolic token in the form of a spot is also applied to the Groom. After the ceremony the Bride does not leave the house until the wedding day. The clothes for the wedding are also provided by the Groom’s family.
On the wedding day, a procession of friends and relatives accompany the Groom from his home to the wedding venue. The Groom may arrive in a car or on a horse. The arrival of the Groom is accompanied by the beating of drums and usually a band of musicians.
For some Muslim ceremonies, the men and women are seated in separate rooms or with a partition to separate them. The meher, a compulsory amount of money given to the Bride by the Groom is decided upon by the elders of the families.
Before reading a selected piece from the Quran, witnessed by two people and an eminent person, the officiating priest will ask the Bride if she is happy with the arrangement and whether she agrees to marry the Groom. The Groom is then asked the same. The marriage is registered (nikaahnama). It is first signed by the Groom then the two witnesses. The Bride will sign later. The Groom is then taken to be seated with the Bride. He gives money and gifts to the sisters of the bride and receives blessings from everyone. Dinner is then served. After the priest has read the prayers the farewell is performed by the bride’s father. He places her hand in her husbands and asks him to protect him always. Then final farewells are offered and the couple leaves. Gifts are exchanged between the two families before and after the wedding.
As in many Asian marriages, a formal engagement takes place before the wedding. Both families come together either at the Groom’s home or a venue and exchange gifts. The Bride and Groom exchange rings.
Three days before the wedding the akandh path begins, this is a three-day reading of the Sri Guru Granth Sahib. The myaah ritual is performed. The Bride and Groom are both cleansed by their respective families each morning and night. Their hands, feet and faces are massaged with a paste of flour, oil and turmeric powder to purify and cleanse them for their married life. On the night before the wedding henna will be applied to the Bride’s hands and feet. A choodha ceremony is held for the Bride, she is made to wear 21 cream and red ivory bangles and kalira (ornaments) are tied to them. These are worn throughout the wedding ceremony and then for forty days afterwards.
On the morning of the wedding, the milni is held at the Gurdwara. Morning hymns are sung and once both families (excluding the Bride) arrive they exchange gifts and then a wedding breakfast is served.
The wedding ceremony is performed at the Gurdwara by a Sikh minister and starts with the kirtan, singing of hymns.
The Groom sits in front of the Guru Granth Sahib with the congregation and the Bride is led in by her mother and best friend and seated to the Groom’s left.
The minister addresses the congregation and then everyone stands up and ardas (prayers) are spoken for God’s blessing for the proposed marriage and the couple.
The Palaa ceremony follows, the Groom has a folded shawl over his shoulder and the right end is placed into his hand, the left side is given to the Bride to hold, during this a prayer is sung, the Shabad Palai.
This is followed by the Laavan, written by the fourth Guru Ram Das it is a series of four prayers. The couple stand and the first prayer is sung whilst the couple walk clockwise around the Guru Granth Sahib led by the Groom. The couple then bow in front of the holy book and sit down. This is repeated for the remaining three prayers. The first verse impresses the importance of committing oneself to righteousness, communication with one’s soul and the spiritual journey of all Sikhs. The second verse tells the couple of their future success. In marrying, they will find the true Guru ; using the marital institution as part of their spiritual paths. The third verse says that the couple is blessed to be part of a supportive Sikh community and that to follow the spiritual path set before them, they should serve and respect those around them. The final verse of the Lavaan says that in marriagethe two will inspire each other towards becoming one with the Infinite, as they follow the advice of the verses.
At the completion of the Lavaan, the assembly showers the couple with flower petals and the couple are now officially married according to the Sikh codes of conduct. The ceremony ends with the distribution of guruprashad (blessed food) to everyone.
As in many Asian marriages, a formal engagement takes place before the wedding. Both families come together either at the Groom’s home or a venue and exchange gifts. The Bride and Groom exchange rings.
The day before the wedding the hands and feet are decorated with Mendhi. On the wedding morning, various rituals are performed on both the Bride and Groom in their respective homes. Their bodies are anointed with turmeric, sandalwood paste and oils which cleanse the body, soften the skin and make it aromatic. They are then bathed to the chanting of Vedic mantras.
The Groom arrives for the wedding along with his family and friends in a procession. They are received by the Bride’s family and friends. The priest commences the ceremony under the canopy of the mandap which is decorated with flowers and in which a havan is placed. The priest invokes blessings of God for the couple to be married.
The Bride offers yoghurt and honey (Madhupak) to the Groom as a token of purity and sweetness. The Bride greets the Groom by placing a garland of flowers around his neck and the Groom reciprocates. Both are congratulated by the guests. The priest then invokes the memory and blessings of forefathers of the Bride and Groom on this auspicious occasion.
Kanyadan is performed by the father (or uncle or guardian) of the Bride in the presence of a large congregation who are invited to witness the wedding. The father pours out a libation of sacred water symbolising the giving away of his daughter to the Groom. As a condition he requests a promise from the Groom in that he will assist the Bride in realising three ends: dharma, artha, and kama. The Groom makes the promise by repeating three times that he will not fail the Bride in realising dharma, artha and kama. The Bride and Groom face each other and the priest ties their scarves in a knot (Gath Bandhan) symbolising their eternal bond. He takes her hand and recites Vedic hymns for happiness, long life and a lifelong relationship. Here the Bride offers sacrifice of food to the Gods for their blessings. He then causes the bride to spill the grain into the fire (Rajaham). They then walk round the nuptial fire three times and pray for the union of their hearts and minds. At the end of each round they both step on a stone and offer a prayer for their mutual love to be firm and steadfast like a stone.
The Bride and Groom take seven steps round the Agni and make seven promises to each other:
First step – To respect and honour each other
Second step – To share each other’s joy and sorrow
Third step – To be loyal to each other
Fourth step – To cultivate appreciation for knowledge, values, sacrifice and service
Fifth step – To reconfirm their vow of purity, love family duties and spiritual growth
Sixth step – To follow the principles of Dharma (righteousness)
Seventh step – To nurture an eternal bond of friendship and love
The Mangala suthra Dharana is tied round the Bride’s neck by the Groom and Sindhoor (red powder) is placed in the Brides hair symbolising her as a married woman.
At the end of the ceremony the Bride and Groom become husband and wife. All those assembled shower the couple with flowers and bless them completing the marriage.
